just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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