Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
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All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
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If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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