YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
please come you make the beer taste better
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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