im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
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He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Success! We fucked roommates!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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