Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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