i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize