Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
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Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
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After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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