I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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