and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
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I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
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Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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