Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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