For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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