The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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