Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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