i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize