I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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