Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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