Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize