That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
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She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
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YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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