I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
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Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
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I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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