Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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