I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
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Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
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When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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