somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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