guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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