Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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