did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
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He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
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I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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