why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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