you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
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and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
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I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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