fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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