I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize