We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
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Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
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My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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