So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize