it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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