I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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