So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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