i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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