I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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