you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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