dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
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Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
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Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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