dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
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I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Vodka?
Forever.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
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Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
is it fun? or sober?
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