so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize