I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize