one two three fourrrrnication!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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