I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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