I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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