HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
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looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
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i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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