Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
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Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
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theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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