So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
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I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
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He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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