we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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