I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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