i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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